Eyes in the back of your head

This guy got sick of people sneaking around behind his back. While we’re not convinced he can see us through those eyes, we are convinced that we should leave him well enough alone. That’s one way to make sure people give you ample space on public transit.

eyes in the back of your head, head tattoos, scary
subwaycreatures via Instagram

It’s a shame we can’t see the rest of the face on the back of this man’s head. There appear to be teeth, but we can’t tell if the face is snarling or grinning. Not sure which would be worse.

No one cared who I was until I put on the mask

With a long commute, you’ve got to do things that make it a bit more bearable. Some people put on a podcast or some music, others read a book, but this guy takes “self care” to a whole new level.

self care on the subway
subwaycreatures via Instagram

He’s texting Clarice to ask if the lambs have stopped screaming.

Sure, it might look a little terrifying but that shouldn’t get in the way of your skin care routine. As long as he waits till he gets home to exfoliate and clip his nails, there’s no harm in it.

Support system

Is this what people mean when they say they use food as a crutch?

Guy: “I’ll take two dozen bagels.”

Store: “I’m sorry sir, but we’ve run out of boxes.”

Guy: “Not a problem.”

bagels on a cane on subway
subwaycreatures via Instagram

Would you be willing to eat one of these bagels if he offered it to you? For us, it’s a no. But we had to really think about it. Maybe if he has some cream cheese (though we’re loath to find out where he’d be keeping it).

Next stop: the end of the rainbow!

It seems that after a brief stay in Mobile, Alabama this Leprechaun packed up and moved to the city. In the city, everyone’s too busy chasing their own pot of gold to pay him any mind.

train leprechaun, subway leprechaun
Post Fun via Pinterest

He’s taking the train back to Imagination Land.

That train better get to his destination fast because he has a short temper. Get it? Shor — y’know what, nevermind.

Took us a second …

Wait I don’t get it. Oop, yep there it is. Hey, as long as it’s unused, this is a pretty good way to avoid touching the germ-infested subway poles.

subway plunger
thachankaa via Reddit

On the other hand, she may just be a plumber on her way to work.

“So far I’ve yet to try taking the subway to work, but I think today I’ll take the plunge.”

On the way to design some super suits

“Dahling, this subway is simply a madhouse.”

Her car broke down, but The Incredibles need their new suit designs now!

Edna Mote, Incredibles, Subway
AidHall via Reddit

Barber: “What would you like?”

Passenger: “You know those Troll dolls?”

Barber: “Say no more.”

This is like if Raggedy Anne wished to become a real girl and it came true.

Tourist in town from Transylvania

*At the costume shop* 

“No, look I meant Batman like the comic book … Ugh, nevermind. I’ll take it. Ring me up. I doubt anyone else will notice.”

batman, batwoman, bat on the subway
MyJelloJiggles via Reddit

Nosferatu may be immortal, but even he’s not taking his chances riding a gypsy cab from the airport. Sadly, he has to wait for people to invite him into the subway car before he can get on.

Pizza nap

How many of us get to say we wake up next to the one we love? That’s surely the case for this man, who refuses to take his eye off the prize.

Can you blame him for sleeping like this, he was sick of the pizza rat stealing a slice every time he’d rest his eyes.

sleeping with face on pizza
subwaycreatures via Instagram

Honestly, it’s probably much more hygenic to sleep with your face in a pizza than it is to sleep with your face touching the seat of the train. At the very least, it smells better.

Pika Choo Choo!

Laugh if you want to, but this is the quickest way to get from Vermillion to Celadon City. You DO NOT want to be stuck walking in Lavender Town after dark. Trust me.

pikachu on the subway
infantthrower via Reddit

Now that we look closely, that looks suspiciously like a human arm coming out of Pikachu’s mouth. He must have gotten tired of Ash telling him what to do.

All the other passengers must have been shocked to witness such a sight.

‘And you may ask yourself, how did I get here?’

“Look, buddy I don’t care if all the seats are taken, I’m sitting down no matter what.”

This doesn’t look comfortable — or particularly hygienic — at all.

eating on the floor
nanj5ch via Reddit

Hey, there’s only so many hours in the day. Even when there’s no time to sit down and have lunch, there’s a way to sit down and have lunch.

Nintendo GAME MAN

“My parents always told me I’d grow out of my obsession with videogames. Well, I sure showed them!”

We can’t tell what this guy has in his backpack, but we’re willing to bet we can guess at least one thing.

Game man, game boy backpack, on the train
winkysocks21 via Reddit

When he was young he told himself he never wanted a job where he had to wear a suit and carry a briefcase. Hey, one out of two ain’t bad.

Transporting hazardous materials

The fact that he’s taking the train while carrying this stuff in cardboard boxes casts some doubt as to whether or not what he says he has in the box is really in the box. Plus, I think a medical professional would make some kind of label, not just write on the cardboard in sharpie.

subway boxes full of yuck
subwaycreatures via Instagram

Then again, we’re not willing to take that risk, so we’ll give him plenty of space. That was probably his intention all along. Clever man.

Sasquatch? Haven’t heard that name in years

In a recession, rural communities are often hit the hardest. That’s why this poor yeti was forced to take a job in the city just to make ends meet. The commute is truly abominable.

sasquatch on the train
Freavonwegen via Twitter

Life comes at you fast: One centamillenium you’re at the top of the food chain, the next, evolution has left you behind. You hate to see it.

Viking with a metrocard

Raiding Britain on boats is so 10th century. In 2020, Vikings ride the tube. We have to imagine a security guard saw this guy with that spear and the crow perched on his shoulder and thought better of saying something.

viking on the train, train viking
LittleHaitian via Reddit

One thing is for sure, with that scowl, this guy means business. And that crow looks … hungry. Best to just leave him alone.

Peacock on the commute

Sadly, peacocks can no longer ride on planes as emotional support animals. However, there’s always the train. If this male peacock spreads his wings, it’ll give new meaning to the term “manspreading.”

peacock on the subway, train peacock
BookerDeWittsCarbine via Reddit

Perhaps the strangest thing about this is that no one seems to pay the peacock any mind. Maybe they see this guy and his companion every day on their ride to and from work. A bird’s gotta eat, after all.

R&R

I don’t think this qualifies as manspreading, but I think it might be … worse? If she can’t afford a cruise, she’ll have to recreate this scene from Titanic on a train.

relaxed pose on train
nanj5ch via Reddit

Whatever it takes to feel comfortable. At least she took off her shoes before putting them on the seat. We’re digging those stockings as well.

It was inevitable …

When the economy got slammed, even Stark Enterprises wasn’t spared. Poor Tony had to pawn his suit and start riding the train. When you fall from being a superhero and a billionaire CEO, it’s a long way down.

Tony stark on the train, Iron Man on the train
subwaycreatures via Instagram

That said, maybe he’ll bounce back. Death isn’t always permanent in the Marvel universe. Why should bankruptcy be?

Puffed up

“He always did have an inflated opinion of himself.” 

This guy’s outfit not only protects him from the respiratory viruses but also in case he gets hit by the train.

puffy jacket, disease-proof, covered up
ice_wzrd_clsh_royale via Reddit

When all the gyms are closed, you do what you have to do to stay looking swole. If that means a creative wardrobe, then that’s what it’s gotta be.

Boxed in

Even when the subway isn’t crowded, people can encroach on your space. This woman has found the perfect solution. It might earn her some funny looks, and a place on a list like this one, but she found something that works for her. You have to respect it.

boxed in on the train, personal space
subwaycreatures via Instagram

Ironically, this solution required her to think outside the box.

In the immortal words of Huey Lewis and the News, “It’s hip to be square.”

She’s doing her best

Though we have to admit, her best might not be good enough. But that’s OK, being normal is overrated anyway.

Honestly, if people were sitting that close to me on the train, I wouldn’t look too happy either.

How to pretend to be normal
subwaycreatures via Instagram

You know what, we take it back. Looking miserable on public transit is actually perfectly normal. If she had a wide smile, then we’d really be concerned.

Absolutely beaming

“Wait, so it’s how much to rent a truck? Forget that! I’m going to take the train.”

At the very least, we should give this guy credit for not taking it on the train during rush hour.

beam on the subway
subwaycreatures via Instagram

We can only hope that he took the express train, otherwise whatever building out there that needs a beam is gonna be waiting a long time.

Pay it forward

And who said there’s no honor among thieves? I wonder how long the cops kept hiding there before they gave up and finally went to investigate.

Plot twist: What if the cops put it there themselves to keep people from hopping over while the police are on break? 

cops hiding don't jump
subwaycreatures via Instagram

In any case, that note would be enough to deter us … *cough* Not that we’d ever consider breaking the law in the first place. *cough*

Bowser must have snitched

The thing about Mario games is that when you travel down a pipe, you don’t always know where it’s gonna lead. Unfortunately for everyone’s favorite plumber, he ended up in Brooklyn. 

mario arrested
subwaycreatures via Instagram

We imagine NY’s finest had plenty of questions to ask Mario regarding the copious amounts of coins he was carrying and those suspicious mushrooms. What they don’t know is that he’s still got some bananas hidden in his shoe, in case he needs to make a run for it.

Nyoooom

He may take the train, but that doesn’t mean he can’t also drive. This guy takes being young at heart very seriously. However, from the look of where the car is going, he could probably use some driving lessons.

playing with RC car on a train
nanj5ch via Reddit

Honestly, among the typical subway behavior, driving a toy car over someone’s toes ranks pretty low on the obnoxiousness scale.

Digital love

Most people wait until after the breakup hug to update their Tinder profile, but not this couple.

Maybe we’re being too cynical. Perhaps they’re each texting their best friends to let them know that they think they’ve finally found the one.

subway love, on cell phones
subwaycreatures via Instagram

Phone service can be really spotty underground, so when you find a spot where it works, you take advantage, no matter how ridiculous you look.

Skin deep

The thing about tattoos is that they require: a steady hand, limited distractions, and a sterile environment. This is why you never use the guy that only charges $20.

tattooed on the train
subwaycreatures via Instagram

If you’re a tattoo artist that makes house calls, it may be tempting to optimize your cash flow by taking in some extra appointments on your commute. Don’t, it’s a bad idea.

Creature from beneath

If you spend enough time underground, you’re bound to run into some kind of monster one of these days.

“Sorry, we don’t have an ‘urban camo’ left … This is all we’ve got.”

subway gillie suit
LesAnonyMousses via Twitter

There’s nothing worse than having to commute all the way from the black lagoon to Manhattan every day, but he makes it work.

Heavy is the head

Waking up with your head resting on a stranger’s shoulder is embarrassing. This guy was sick and tired of it happening to him, so he came up with a creative solution.

head hammock, travel pillow
subwaycreatures via Instagram

It’s just one more way to relax while you commute. You might as well take some of that pressure off of your neck. What do you think, will this guy start a trend?

Give me space, right meow!

Now, now, don’t throw a hissy fit. In New York, you can only take a dog on the subway if it’ll fit in a bag but no one ever said anything about cats. 

subway cat mean, nasty cat on the subway
MaximumCrab via Reddit

The kitty above seems prepared to keep anyone from bothering their owner — even if that person happens to just be minding their own business like the poor woman on the right.

Services provided

I wonder what his rates are. In this gig economy, everyone’s struggling to make ends meet. This guy is willing to take on some extra work, but clearly he’s maintaining his standards by not washing canines and felines. What kind of place do they think this is, anyway?

funny subway flyer
subwaycreatures via Instagram

Far be it for us to question this person’s professionalism and credentials, but wouldn’t washing rodents and reptiles as a group be bad news? Well, if things do go south during Kaa and Mickey’s bath, that last service is always an option.